Little man is 11 and a half weeks already & another year is over. On 4th November I ended up being taken in to hospital by ambulance with chest pains. It was so bad that I couldn’t hold Dylan, I was feeding him and I was crying from the pain and had to ask Gareth to take over. Thankfully after an X-ray and an injection to thin my blood as I had a suspected pulmonary embolism, I was sent home to go in the next day for a CT scan. However the scanner was broken which meant another trip to hospital for an injection and the following day finally I got my scan but it didn’t go smoothly. After 2 hours waiting around and 3 failed attempts to get a cannula in I was sat in tears just wanting to go home to my son thinking I couldn’t take anymore. I had to have an anaesthetist do an ultrasound on my arm to find a vein as I had so many needles that they couldn’t successfully do it without, and my cannula was put in and a scan was done, but the only explanation was that it was either a very small blood clot that it wouldn’t cause any problems or the chest pains was “one of those things”. I have been back and forth between home & doctors/hospital and it was wearing me down. Just yesterday I had to go to the doctors (and take poor Dylan out in that awful weather!) for yet another blood test. The good news is the chest pains are no more though. 7th November we lost my nan (my mum’s mum) and I went with my mum to see her in the funeral home. I had never seen a dead body before, but I had to do it, especially to be there for my mum and support her & though it was emotionally hard and upsetting, it was nice to see nan at peace. I spend nighttime awake with Dylan as he is always so unsettled at night. Sadly day time isn’t spent catching up on sleep… I honestly don’t know how I am still functioning but I am grateful for my parents who have taken Dylan overnight so I can catch up on sleep and when staying overnight at my mother in law’s house, she lets me & Gareth have her bed to sleep in and takes over the night shift from me with Dylan so that I can rest up… So 4 ish nights from the last 11 and a half weeks that I have got some sleep. It’s tough going but ask any parent, and they will no doubt say the same: just holding your child, cuddling them and looking into their eyes… Every single second has been without a doubt worth it all, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Dylan is smiling now and it melts my heart every time. Just putting him on to comfort milk has made him a different baby. We had a lovely Christmas & Dylan got some lovely gifts from Santa including a baby memory box with his initial on it & some foot & wrist rattles he loves 🙂 2013 had a little shaky start & pregnancy and the start of parenthood was difficult for me, I am so glad to have my little prince with me. 2014 is going to be a good year. I have been working on a December daily so that Dylan’s first Christmas was documented so when it is finally completed I will share 🙂 Happy new year everyone!